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To The Next Level
awakeThey say that in one lifetime you will have one true love. There will be others and you’ll love each one in different ways, but there is only but one that has a special place in your heart.
I am a firm believer of this saying. I have probably connected and probably loved other men in my lifetime…before and probably even after I have met my current husband. I have gone through various tests for my love for him even during our marriage. It is not as easy as some says. Tests come at your weakest, most vulnerable point and in a very nice package with all the works. It doesn’t help that your spouse has temper tantrums, mood swings, gets rowdy and creates scream fests like there’s no tomorrow at that point. It seems he will find the perfect time to argue about the lamest of things and will go to deeps end to prove his weak point.
It is a tough battle, but for some unexplainable reason, despite what all others had to offer…and despite his own glaring imperfections, even if I’ll meet another person who will love me more than he does (which I doubt there will be), I don’t think anyone could ever replace my own imperfect spouse. Commitment is an important thing in a marriage. But it is not for that that’s keeping me from philandering (which would have been an easy way out in those trying times). Somehow we work in unison…like clockwork. We laugh at the same kind of silliness, care about the same things, and look forward to the same dreams…and probably we’re the only people who could put with each other’s quirks and idiosyncrasies.
I’m not sure if it’s only because I never let my guard down with anybody just like I always have in the past…or that my conscience is working double time 24x7. I must probably just really love the man more than I realize…way past the sweet nothings and kilig stage …way past the passion and lust…even way past the caring whether he ate or not (c’mon, he’s old enough to fend for himself. He’s a big boy…)…right now, it’s all about a love based on partnership and oneness.
Nowadays when goes off for work very early in the morning and we’re still asleep, he kisses me and our daughter and won’t care whether I saw or felt him kiss me or not. The signs of affection are no longer there to please the other person…it’s just there as a way to express yourself honestly.
Is this what they call unconditional love? No longer selfish, demanding and clamoring for undivided attention?? Gosh we are getting old...
