Kuliling

Nowadays I feel the need to get my mind off some things.  The past few months I have been channeling my energies on things I shouldn't really focus on.  Useless things... worldly and just not right in so many levels...So therefore I realize I should focus on something that I love to do -- getting my ideas and thoughts out there for the world to know (not like I make an effort to make it known, but what the hey...).

Like a bicycle, or a car that hasn't started all throughout winter...I am a little rusty (probably not just a little...).  So I don't really know where and how to begin without baring my soul for public scrutiny and condemnation.

It's a good thing livejournal gives little tips on how to start again if we have a writer's block.  That way I don't have to think of something lame to write about my boring life.

So question for today was..."who or what do I consider as my first love".

Ok, so I retract about the lame comment.  Whatever answer I will give to this question will still be lame.  I am one of those people who married their first love.  Start and end of story in one sentence...wow, what a life!  It's true though...I never had to experience the pain of a breakup,  or I never had to refer to an another person as an "old flame" because I never had any other flames.  No colorful stories to tell here.

In high school, the first life lesson I have learned is that when it comes to relationships...never settle.  At 15yo I met Alain...everybody's crush because he was a little mestizo (mixed race) as such he's a bit "exotic".  He does have the face, but for some reason when he made it known to me that he liked me, it seems like a big fuzz to my friends...like the fact that he is handsome is enough reason for me to date him.  If you're 15yo, friends' acceptance means the world to you, so I did try to go out with him (in secret because I can't make it known to my parents).  Twas then I realized that I am not as shallow as I thought I was.  I knew in my heart what I wanted,  and I want depth and character.  So his' was the first heart I have ever broken.  After him, I've been ruthless.

I had an idea of a perfect relationship in my head -- roses/chocolates...remembering all occasions, putting me in a pedestal, will go through the hoops for me no matter how far or how long it takes, gives me all the time and attention...the works!  I could be a drama queen, I know...and when I was younger I believed deep in my heart that such a guy exists.  A guy who will treat you perfectly like a princess...the perfect gentleman...so I waited...and waited...and never ever settled with just anybody.  I met Mr. Shy Boy...Mr. Bad Boy...guys who didn't know who they're dealing with.... there were those who started out as friends and attempted to cross the line...   I even came accross someone very close to my criteria, yet if I search my heart...I'm just not feeling it.  Being surrounded by men in an engineering school, it is weird that it was seemingly finding a needle in a haystack.

But then all things are possible...and I finally found Conrad...boy-next-door, funny, smart, and met every single expectation I have and more.  He came at the most appropriate time too...when I thought I was in the lowest point of my life (Didn't realize I could go even lower!!!).  It was also the point when I was tired of the dating scene and threw my hands in the air saying, "whatever!".  I know it was the first time I really fell in love was because we were in cloud 9 and we were blissfully crazy mad about each other ...that is for around the first 10 years we were together (dating and married life combined). 

After that ladies and gentlemen...reality sinks in.  We became a true married couple with whinings and complaints and fighting over petty things....so much for going through the hoops.  I guess though that the bottomline is that it doesn't matter if you've only gotten to love just one person your whole life...or if you've fell flat on your face more than once.  The fact that you've experienced love and have given your all makes it an experience worth remembering. 

Oh...and another lesson...that no matter how blissfully in love you are right now...we will all come to a point where you can't stand your own partner...but you have to suck it up because that's how life is too! hahaha

Good Luck!